Disappointed
Be cautious.
Don’t assume that people have the heart you have.
My first instinct is to say “betrayed,” but that was more of my instant reaction rather than the deep-seated feeling that settled in my stomach once the novelty wore off.
People will disappoint you – esp. those who you can’t imagine ever doing so.
And, it really stings when it happens.
It feels like a blow to your stomach: it leaves you without air.
It’s like those cartoons when something rushes past them at an impossible speed, leaving their face and hair in disarray because they don’t know what just happened.
Disappointed.
I’ve dealt with a really big problem most of my life: I like to see the best in people and never want to let them down. That leads me to think that others are that way, too and that they’ll never betray my trust, good intentions, or love for them.
You could say that I expect a lot from people but only because I expect a lot from myself.
I expect patience, understanding, and empathy.
Those are the things I aim to have in myself, so I ASSUME that others have the same goals, but gosh…I have been proven wrong time and time again.
It seems like 99.9% of people will always look out for themselves first.
In this particular story, I thought that a much older, “wiser” person would definitely not ever betray my trust. I was positive that this person would be what they had promised to be: a great mentor no matter which way the waves crashed.
I admired this person.
I respected this person.
I was grateful for this person.
But, when it came time to actually help me in a way that might not benefit them…they bailed.
In a blink of an eye, they were unequivocally gone. Their support, words of encouragement, their faith in what I wanted to do just left the building. It was as if the firm, cozy rug I was standing on had been pulled from under my feet at lightning speed.
Their actions heavily unsettled me, but I kept my composure.
I moved on gracefully, but inside, I became even more cynical than I was before.
Trust in others has never come easily for me because for one reason or another, people have always betrayed that trust.
Instead of being the supportive, understanding mentor that they said they would be in the first conversation we had about my (potential) new plans, they flipped around and tried to wash their hands of ever having been part of what I was building. After advising me to do something, they went and did the opposite to make it seem like I was the one holding back.
Do you think that people’s intentions are innately good… or evil?
I don’t know. I’d love to declare the former…but I really don’t know.
The only thing I do know right now is that you should never allow people to know all of you until they have gained your trust over years of proving themselves trustworthy. Even then – nothing is guaranteed, but it is the safest way to expose yourself.
The best advice for anyone who finds themselves being as open and transparent as I tend to be is to lead with caution. Protect yourself by not laying out all of your cards on the table at once. You can be nice and charming and loving and kind, but don’t believe for a second that people share your values or standards for trust.
Don’t be so quick to divulge your weaknesses.
Don’t be so quick to doubt your greatness.
Don’t be so quick to place others above yourself (in talent, intelligence, or experience).
Because, you know what?
Most people don’t know as much as you think they know.
Most people that you think have the answers because of where they are right now, don’t actually have all the answers you are looking for, even if they have a few.
Most people who you admire probably don’t have as much to admire as you do.
But, you can’t see that if you place them on a pedestal.
Every single person is a human being – just a regular human being.
We all have flaws, insecurities, and fears.
Don’t you ever, not for a second, believe that someone else knows more about your experiences than you do.
And, don’t you ever give them the power to believe that they do.